2 Why Groups Matter
The relationships we cultivate in our lives are essential to our well-being—namely, happiness and health. Why is that so? We begin to answer this question by exploring the types of relationships—family, friends, colleagues, and lovers—we have in our lives and how they are measured. We also explore the different aspects of happiness and health, and show how the quantity and quality of relationships can affect our happiness and health.
Humans are social animals and we prefer living together in groups. We cluster in families, in cities, and in groups of friends. In fact, most people spend relatively few of their waking hours alone. Even introverts report feeling happier when they are with others. Being surrounded by people and feeling connected to others appears to be a natural impulse.
If you were to reflect on the best moments of your life, chances are they involved other people. We feel good sharing our experiences with others, and our desire for high quality relationships may be connected to a deep-seated psychological impulse: the need to belong (CITE). Aristotle commented that humans are fundamentally social in nature. Modern society is full of evidence that Aristotle was right. For instance, people often hold strong opinions about single child families—usually concerning what are often viewed as problematic “only child” characteristics—and most parents choose to have multiple kids. People join book clubs to make a solitary activity—reading—into a social activity. Prisons often punish offenders by putting them in solitary confinement, depriving them of the company of others. Perhaps the most obvious expression of the need to belong in contemporary life is the prevalence of social media. We live in an era when, for the first time in history, people effectively have two overlapping sets of social relationships: those in the real world and those in the virtual world.It may seem intuitive that our strong urge to connect with others has to do with the boost we receive to our own well-being from relationships. After all, we derive considerable meaning from our relational bonds—as seen in the joy a newborn brings to its parents, the happiness of a wedding, and the good feelings of having reliable, supportive friendships. In fact, this intuition is borne out by research suggesting that relationships can be sources of intimacy and closeness (CITE), comfort and relief from stress (CITE), and accountability—all of which help toward achieving better health outcomes (CITE). Indeed, scholars have long considered social relationships to be fundamental to happiness and well-being (CITE). If the people in our lives are as important to our happiness as the research suggests, it only makes sense to investigate how relationships affect us.Although it seems obvious that good relationships bring happiness, researchers must carefully define and measure both concepts—known as operationalization—before drawing conclusions about how relationships and well-being are connected. Scientists examine objective factors like how many friends a person has, as well as subjective factors like their sense of social support. 
Relationships can be measured objectively through factual variables like marital status, number of friends, coworkers, or size of social networks, as well as social integration based on frequency of contact and activities. These measures are clear-cut, with single correct answers (e.g., a person is either married or not). Subjective social variables capture personal perceptions of relationships, such as feelings of social support, satisfaction with support, or the quality and conflict within relationships. Their strength lies in revealing individuals’ lived experiences—for example, whether someone views their marriage positively or negatively. Traditionally, researchers relied on global assessments of relationships (e.g., “How much social support do you receive?”), but newer methods like daily diaries capture real-time interactions and trends (CITE). Combining objective, subjective, and diary measures provides a fuller, more accurate picture of how relationships impact well-being.
Presence of relationships
The physical side of well-being refers to health, including illness, injury, mortality, physiological indicators (like blood pressure), and health behaviors such as diet, exercise, and smoking. Researchers study these factors to see how relationships may benefit health. To study the link between relationships and well-being, researchers narrow their focus to specific groups and variables, usually examining the presence and quality of relationships.
The first factor in studying relationships and well-being is simply whether people have relationships, measured through variables like network size or number of friends. Research shows that more and better relationships are strongly linked to greater happiness, as seen in studies where the happiest students reported stronger, more satisfying connections and spent less time alone (CITE).
Some societies, like the Amish, practice shunning—temporarily withholding social contact as punishment—which significantly harms well-being. Research shows that emotional pain from ostracism activates the same brain areas as physical pain (CITE).Types of Relationships
Intimate relationships
It’s important to consider different types of relationships when examining their impact on well-being. We don’t gain the same happiness from an ex-spouse as from a child or coworker. Romantic partners are often central, which is why researchers focus on intimate bonds that involve both physical and psychological closeness. Studies show that having even one trusted confidante matters more for happiness than having a large social network (CITE).
Relationships can be formal or informal. Formal ones—like with elders, coworkers, or new acquaintances—require politeness and self-control. Informal ones—like with friends, partners, or siblings—allow us to relax, be authentic, and share openly. Because of this comfort and vulnerability, informal relationships are often more closely tied to happiness.
Researchers often study intimacy by looking at marital status, since marriage is the most common close relationship. Studies show that moving from singlehood to dating to marriage is linked to higher happiness (CITE). However, divorce or losing a spouse has a stronger negative impact on well-being than the positive boost from marriage (CITE).
While marriage is often linked to greater happiness, it doesn’t guarantee it—the quality of the marriage is key. Unhappy marriages can harm emotional well-being, with low marital satisfaction strongly tied to depression. Long-term studies confirm that as marital quality declines, depressive symptoms rise (CITE).
Why do bad relationships harm well-being? Conflict is a major factor, as it lowers support and increases stress (CITE). In extreme cases, abuse causes shame, loss of self, depression, and anxiety (CITE). Thankfully, research shows that once abusive relationships end, unhappiness often fades (CITE).
Work Relationships and Well-Being
Adults spend much of their time with coworkers and supervisors, so the quality of these relationships strongly affects well-being. Supportive, trusting relationships make work more enjoyable and less stressful, while poor ones—especially with difficult bosses—create distress and dissatisfaction. Research shows supportive supervisors boost employee thriving, while those high in traits like narcissism or manipulation harm well-being (CITE).
In addition to the direct benefits or costs of work relationships on our well-being, we should also consider how these relationships can impact our job performance. Research has shown that feeling engaged in our work and having a high job performance predicts better health and greater life satisfaction (CITE). Given that so many of our waking hours are spent on the job—about ninety thousand hours across a lifetime—it makes sense that we should seek out and invest in positive relationships at work.
Fact or Myth: Are Social Relationships the Secret to Happiness?
Pop culture often promotes “secrets” to happiness, like exercise or gratitude, but strong social relationships are the most common claim. While their impact on well-being is small, research shows the effect is consistent and reliable (CITE). There may be no single secret to happiness, but good relationships are certainly part of the recipe.
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